Electricity
by Jyra
Summary: A series of little fics on how the different charecters veiw their ever changing realtionships. Will write one after each episode. Part 13: Tosh again
1. Gwen

**Electricity**

_Ok, so I know I have other stories that need updating, but this is just a little one shot I wrote about episode one of Torchwood (the new season). It was inspired by that scene between Jack and Gwen in his office which nearly made me cry. Sure, I am a Jack/Ianto shipper but I just wanted to wrote this little fic about how I though Gwen might feel. I might do one for these for each episode from a different characters POV. So what do you think? Yes, I know it is short but please read!_

_**Jyra **_

**Episode 1: Gwen **

It had been like this ever since Jack came back. Sometimes Gwen even wished he hadn't come back. No that was untrue, she knew it was untrue. She could never wish Jack away, no matter how much pain he could and would cause her. It had been a week since he'd come back and two weeks since Rhys had proposed to her and a week and a half since she'd said yes. And as always Jack had to ruin it. No, not just ruin it, tear her heart out ever time she saw him and she knew he hadn't chosen her, knew he couldn't choice her. Did he even want to choice her or ever wanted to choice her? Now she'd never know…

Before he had gone, it had been them. Her and Jack. In Gwen's mind they had been prefect together just as they were. Sure, it was Owen she had screwed but she hadn't though that she liked Jack in that way. Not until it was too late. Because when she'd seen him die, she'd realised she loved him. Loved him more than she had ever loved anyone in her whole life. At one time she had though she might, just might have had a tiny bit of love for Owen and she'd always assumed she'd loved Rhys. But loving Jack wasn't like anything she'd ever felt before. Gwen had never believed in soul mates before, but Jack had changed all that. How could she ever love anyone else after realising she loved Jack?

But then he left. Left them all. Left her. He didn't want her. She would go to the end of the world for him and he'd run to the end of the world to get away from her. Maybe that was why she said yes to Rhys when he proposed. Because he was second best. She knew it was wrong because if Jack had arrived, she would be gone like a shot. It wasn't fair but you can't stop love Gwen reasoned. But Jack didn't come back. So Gwen said yes. It was the hardest thing she had ever said. It was almost a commitment that she would never have Jack.

But then he did come back. And it was the best day of her life. It was also the worst. Because she felt it again. That electricity, the electricity she wanted to live her life on. A life with Jack. But he stopped it. And again it was confirmed for her. Jack didn't want her. Or if he did, he wasn't willing to ruin her marriage for it. And then he asked out Ianto.

The last week had been the worst of her life. Just watching Jack and Ianto together. Just the thought of what could have been hers and now never would be. And when jack smiled at her, asked her opinion, told her what he wouldn't tell the rest of the team and treated her as his equal, it took all her strength to keep herself from bursting into tears there and then. Because really she was breaking down and dieing inside. And over time that electricity that had once made her feel so alive had started to disappear too. And although at first she though that might be better than the pain the consumed her ever time she caught his eye, she now knew she was wrong. The raw open wound had now become a dull, throbbing pain, a pain only Jack could heal.

But Gwen knew he never would.

_**Hope that was ok!**_

_**Love you all**_

_**Jyra**_

_**x**_


	2. Jack

**What it means to be human**

_Basically the same sort of format as Electricity only this time it's on Jack's feelings about humanity and how he can save Gwen's. It was inspired by what Gwen said to Beth when Jack was telling her she was an alien and also the last scene! Yes, just more sort of drabble that I wrote because I wanted to explore some of the sub textual relationships and themes within the new series! So tell me what you think! Oh and I forgot the declaimer last time, so here it is:_

_**I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood etc. If I did, it would probably be the Jack and Ianto show so just as well! **_

_**.X.**_

'**What makes us human? Is it our minds or our bodies?'**

It was the evening after the Sleeper Agents crisis when that certain conversation came back to Captain Jack Harkness as he reclined in his office. It was late. So late that even Ianto had left for the night and the rest of the team where probably tucked up safe and sound in bed, having forgotten all thoughts of aliens and world crisis's as sleep claimed them. Or maybe they were dreaming of aliens and the end of the world. Who knew? Jack hoped not though. It wouldn't do to have Ianto chasing Weevils in his sleep, that could get violent…

But humanity. Had Beth been human? At all. Jack wasn't sure. But then he wasn't sure of his own humanity anymore. Defiantly, at one time he would have laughed if someone had questioned that. But now? Well his body certainly wasn't. Immortality and humanity don't mix, Jack knew that. But his mind? Jack didn't know anymore. When Mary had remarked he should be the one locked up, it hadn't been the first time he had entertained that thought himself. Humanity, so completely underrated until it was taken from you. Could Jack really still be human? After all he'd been through and all he'd done. And then there was the Doctor. Did the Doctor make you less human? Or did the Doctor thrive on humanity, sucking it up from his assistants and companions until they were a shadows of their former selves? Had Jack become too cold, too cold to life for humanity to take him back? If Gwen was right and it was our minds that made us human, Jack wasn't at all sure he was anymore. Well, not completely.

And that was why he wanted to protect her. He wanted to stop Gwen becoming numb to all that you could become when you allow Torchwood to swallow you up. It would be so easy to keep her with him in what he toyed with calling a romantic friendship but generally settled for sibling companionship. She was like him, he knew it. They fitted well together. But he had to keep her human. He couldn't let her lose the one quality that drew him to her. The logic behind it all may have been slightly confusing but Jack knew it was the right thing to do. Keep her safe; keep her sane, even if she didn't want to be kept safe.

He knew if he were to tell her too, she would call off her wedding in an instance. He knew she would dedicate her life to Torchwood for him. But even though Jack knew her wedding would change the dynamics of their relationship so much, at least he could sleep safe in the knowledge that he had saved one life, even if she didn't know it. Which was why that evening he had stopped himself. Asked her about the wedding. Told her to go home. And she had. She'd obeyed him in the way a child obeys a parent when they too know that even though they may not like it, the parent is only thinking of them in the long run.

Sometimes Jack wondered if the rest of the team where still human. But it was harder to tell. Had Ianto always been like that? Had Tosh never questioned her job when she covered up another death? Did Owen feel anything when he'd completed an autopsy? Jack liked to think he did. They were still human. They had been drawn in and survived to tell the tale. True there wasn't many they could tell it too, but that was irrelevant.

And, Jack reasoned with himself, at least he knew Ianto was still very much human. And maybe it was he who could help Jack to regain a little bit of his humanity as well…

_**Hope that was ok!**_

_**Love you all**_

_**Jyra**_

_**x**_


	3. Owen

**Fitting Together**

_More of the same, this time from episode three. I've moved a bit off the Jack and Gwen route this time! This week's chapter concentrates on Owen and Tosh, told from Owen's point of view. So yes, this is a little Owen/Tosh, because come on, in episode three, some of their scenes together were just so cute! Was really tempted to write a Jack/Ianto one this week, but decided against it for a couple of reasons, the main one being that there wasn't enough subtext. Oh and also Tosh and Owen are way too overlooked in my opinion! Anyway, hope you enjoy this weeks! _

_**I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood etc. If I did, it would probably be the Jack and Ianto show so just as well! **_

_**.X.**_

It wasn't that Own found Toshiko partially attractive. Sure, she wasn't dissatisfying to the eye but she wasn't one of the girls that he'd go looking for in a Cardiff bar at the weekend. Come to think of it, Owen couldn't imagine Tosh hanging out in any kinds of clubs and pubs. Actually, he couldn't quite think of her in any other place but Torchwood.

He guessed she must have a life outside Torchwood. Everyone had too, even Tosh. The problem was he'd never really taken the time to find out. Torchwood wasn't quite the sort of company to organise meals out and they, the workers, although close to each other, had a sort of mutual agreement that they stayed out of each other's personal lives or the little they had of them outside Torchwood. The only thing, Owen though, the only thing he really knew about Tosh's private life was about Mary. And if she hadn't turned out to be an alien, he probably wouldn't have known about that either. Oh and that she fancied him. Tosh that was, not Mary.

Well at least Owen had thought she fancied him. But then came Mary and then that solider guy. That solider as Own had come to refer to him in his head, was what had been the cause of a couple of long nights. Tosh had really seemed to like him. She seemed more confident around him and the way they had interacted together was way too close for 'just friends' in Owen's mind. Owen knew what 'just friends' really meant, he'd had plenty of them but he hadn't expected it to come from Tosh.

But now, now Tosh seemed much more confident, much less reliant in Owen's approval. And Owen had to admit, he wasn't to sure he liked the 'new' Toshiko. Yes, he knew he was probably being extremely selfish because she did seem a lot happier but lately, he'd been wondering what it might be like to be the one making her happy. Ok, so some of this might be down to her not being so clingy anymore and not so dependant on him but still… Owen guessed what infuriated him most was probably his own contradictions. His recent attraction to the new Tosh and the ego boost the old one gave him.

But did he really want her? And did he still want him? That was the question the he'd been turning over in his head ever since 'that solider' had been sent back a couple of days. Tosh didn't look too distraught which Owen took to be a good sigh. He wasn't sure how good he'd be at competing with the memory of a WW1 solider if, and that was a strong if, he ever did decide to make a move on her. But then maybe she'd think he just wanted her for sex. Did he just want her for sex? Owen really wasn't sure anymore. He'd admit to thinking about what she might be like in bed a couple of times, but hey, who didn't he think about doing it with? But no, it was more than that, Owen reasoned with himself. This time he wanted, no needed, to gain her approval, something he'd never really be bothered with in the past. He needed the safety that this wouldn't just be about sex. Not for him or for her. Not like other experiences he could recount…

But then how did one go about asking out a workmate? He could try a little flirting but every time they were alone, it never seemed quite the right time. There was always…this…tension, sort of like a spark that could light the fire that would either burn everything to the ground or spread its flame and grow higher and higher. But she must have guessed. She must have by now at least realised that Owen wanted o be around her, that he had not been partially keen on 'that solider'.

Or maybe she just didn't care? Maybe she just didn't need him any more. At all. After all, could two members of possibly the most fucked up organisation, Owen reasoned, every truly fit together?

_**Hope that was ok!**_

_**Love you all**_

_**Jyra**_

_**x**_


	4. Rhys

**Saving the World**

_Back again! Ok, so this one is a little late in the week than I would have liked, but hey, it can't be helped (well it could of if I hadn't been feeling so lazy, but that's life). So this is from Rhys point of view. Another overlooked character in my opinion. It's not strictly a Rhys/Gwen chapter, because although they are together, there isn't really anything sweet or fluffy here! Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter! _

_**I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood etc. If I did, it would probably be the Jack and Ianto show so just as well! **_

_**.X.**_

Rhys could not quite believe it. He, Mr. Normal of Normalsville had really and truly saved the world. Well maybe not quite the world, but Cardiff at least. How many people had that on their CVs? Not that he'd put it on his either but still… It seemed like a lifetime ago but in fact it was just yesterday. Just yesterday. How could any day like that be reduced to just yesterday ever again? Rhys laughed out loud. He'd spent all morning and a good part of yesterday evening laughing. Like it hadn't quite sunk in yet. Like a crazy dream that you half believe had been true but when you wake up, there is not evidence to suggest it ever happened. Only Rhys knew it had happened. Gwen was living proof it had all happened. Even if she wasn't her at the moment.

So now he was sat at home, on the settee drinking tea. What a strange thing tea was now. How bright the sun was shining this morning. How extraordinary last night had been. They'd eaten ice cream and then headed t a noisy pub they both had enjoyed a meal at long ago, when Gwen still had free time. Rhys had spent the whole night talking. Sometimes with his lips and sometimes, when the words had failed him, just with his hands. Gwen understood though. She'd always understand. But she was the only one who could. It felt good to Rhys, like in that pub they were in their own little private club that no else cold even begin to try and join. Though, come to think of it, Gwen hadn't really seemed herself that evening. Rhys hadn't really noticed it at the time in his super charged alien overload but now, sitting at home, now he was beginning to wonder. Sure, she was always sort of quite these days, always spacing out a bit but he'd assumed it was because of her job, the mystery job she'd never wanted to talk about. But now he knew they could talk. Only Gwen hadn't really wanted to talk. Sure she had sat and listened to Rhys but that was all she'd done. Sometimes she would smile but now Rhys was starting to get an inkling that her smile hadn't been on of comradeship but more that of a teacher smiling fondly as her favourite pupil got over excited about a test result the teacher had received a better mark on years ago. It was almost as if she had been looking down on him.

But maybe there was something else. Probably something he wasn't part of and she didn't want to tell him about. As usual. Maybe that's what had been worrying her. But Rhys wished she'd share it. After all, he now knew. Couldn't she see that? She was at work now. Perhaps she'd tell that Harkness guy what was bothering her…perhaps they have a laugh about it in where ever they went. Perhaps she didn't feel the need or want to tell him anymore. Perhaps she thought him too stupid now, not worthwhile of her out of this world problems. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps…she didn't need him anymore. After all, Rhys had seen IT now. Seen what she had to deal with and compared to that, maybe he just wasn't enough. He wasn't part of that world, her world, the world she would throw herself into without a second though, not thinking of the danger or ultimate death that might befall her. Not thinking of how he would cope if she was gone.

But in someways she already was gone. From him that was. No Rhys, he told himself, you can't think like that. She still comes home to you every night. She didn't want you to get hurt in that driver scenario. Yet the cynical side of him still questioned that. Maybe it was because she didn't want him infringing on her job. Maybe she wanted to be the only super agent or whatever they where in the household. After all, his life already revolved around her. Why would she want the supporting character of a fiancé taking a bigger role in 'The Gwen Show'? Even after all he'd done for her Even after he'd saved the world. For her.

_**Hope that was ok!**_

_**Love you all**_

_**Jyra**_

_**x**_


	5. Tosh

**Something forgotten**

_This is a Tosh one, with a little Owen thrown in. It's more Tosh's thought on something she can't quite out her finger on…This one is set a couple of days after Adam, so you can probably guess what it's about! Hope you enjoy it! I've loved all the reviews I've got so far!_

_**I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood etc. If I did, it would probably be the Jack and Ianto show so just as well! **_

_**.X.**_

Toshiko couldn't quite pin it down but it was there. It was defiantly there. Only she wasn't quite sure what it was or where there was…

It was…it was…it wasn't really a memory, no, that would imply she remembered what or who was giving her this feeling but try as she might, she couldn't.

It had been three days since the 'missing 48 hours'. That was confusing Tosh enough itself. Somehow she and the other members of the team had lost a whole two days to god knows where. The CCTV footage had been wiped or either destroyed and the only thing out of place was Ianto's diary that had been sprawled on the floor, so very carelessly. So very unlike Ianto. Jack didn't seem to know. That bothered Tosh. Jack always knew. But worst, Jack didn't even seem to care that much. Maybe like he had some subconscious warning telling him not to probe into what wasn't there. Or maybe it wasn't so much it wasn't there but it shouldn't be there. Either way, Tosh didn't know. After the first couple of days Gwen and Owen dropped their constant questioning as well. It was like they too knew that Jack didn't know and if Jack didn't know then there was a high chance no one on this earth would know either.

But Tosh hadn't forgotten. She couldn't. Not when there was something keeping her away at night, It was a little like a dream you might once of had. The ones where you would wake up from a dreamlike state where you where who you really wanted to be in the places you were meant to be. But when you wake up, you cannot remember any of that, only the beautiful out of this world feeling that it caused you. Tosh couldn't even put her finger on that feeling. It was a name on the tip of her tongue that her conscious would not let her remember. She tried to feel the name with her tongue, crafting each syllable with her mouth, working her teeth logically through the problem but it never worked. That was a first for Tosh. In her world logic always worked.

At work, she acted normal, like she was doing now, sitting at her computer, like everyone expected, working on this and that, watching Owen get out of anything that looked remotely like paper work. Yet inside her head was a mess of scrabbled up though processes. If only she could reach out and touch whatever it was. Then maybe she could feel it again. Memories flashed back, memories of Mary, of the few past lovers she'd had and of…of… It was no use, it wouldn't come. But instead, when she opened her eyes, it was Owen who was there in front of her. The thing that wasn't there was something like…like she imagined her and Owen might have in her wildest dreams. Was that love? No, wouldn't love be…warmer?

And then there was the mystery of the flowers. The flowers with the note that was defiantly from Owen, telling her he was sorry. Sorry for what? Owen didn't seem to know. In fact he denied buying them all together. The flowers were now positioned in a glass flower vase on her desk, courtesy of Ianto. Tosh hadn't really decided what she had wanted to do with them but after a day of leaving them sitting there, it seemed Ianto had decided for her. Which was probably better. Knowing herself, she would have probable let them sit there until they were dropping leaves over her computer. But still…she wondered…

Sometimes, when she is just about to drift off to sleep or maybe wake up in the morning…sometimes Tosh thinks she hears a voice, sees someone next to her on the other side of the bed. Sometimes she reached out to them but they are always gone, in a bright light before she can reach them. Never does she tell hem to wait. Then, when she wakes up, its gone and all that's left it a butterfly in some far off part of her heart and a new day, fresh for exploring.

_**Hope that was ok!**_

_**Love you all**_

_**Jyra**_

_**x**_


	6. Martha

**Zero**

_Hey guys1 Sorry this one is a little later than usual, I've been away in gay old Paree so didn't have time to write it until tonight! Hope you enjoy it! As you may have guessed, if you have read my others, this is a Martha central one on how she feels after the death of Owen. And by the way, I'll be releasing each chapter after the official espied is shown, not the one on BBC 3! _

_Happy reading! _

_**I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood etc. If I did, it would probably be the Jack and Ianto show so just as well! **_

_**.X.**_

_**Zero.**_

A number.

A circle.

A definite.

An end.

How could anything that seemed to be going so right go so horribly wrong?

It had been raining that day. It was still raining. Though to be fair to the weather, it was still the same night. Only it didn't feel like it. The last few hours felt like a life time away.

It was the same feeling she had felt when she'd taken her first trip with the Doctor. Technically she'd only been gone a few hours but in that short time, she'd become someone else, grown up, done more travelling than anyone in her high school had ever dreamed of.

If a week was a long time in politics, then a minute was a life time in time travel and aliens.

Martha was back in the Hub now, with the rest of the team. She was sat on the sofa, coffee clasped in her hands. There was no one else near her.

_**Zero**_

Sure, they were around. But not around her. She was the outsider. They might even blame her.

Owen was dead. Really dead.

After he shot had been fired, they had rushed back to the Hub. Then he'd been on the operating table. And then Martha had heard her own voice pronouncing him deceased. Only it hadn't seemed like her voice at all. The rest of the team seemed…she didn't know how they seemed. But the next thing she had known, she was on the sofa. She didn't know how she got there, any more than she knew how the coffee had ended up in her hand.

She was defiantly the outsider.

_**Zero**_

This had been reinforced by the rest of the team's movements. Gwen and Toshiko had been in the board room, before together they had headed down to watch the body, still fresh on the autopsy table.

Jack was in his office. So was Ianto. Perhaps they had their own type of comforting going on. Somehow just the thought of Gwen and Tosh, Jack and Ianto made Martha feel hollow. Like this was a circle. And she was disconnected.

Sometimes it was easier to deal with lose when you'd known the person. You could know how to act. You where hurt, let down, confused, angry and everything else that you could imagine and many more you couldn't.

But you didn't sit here, wondering why you where here, wondering what you should feel for someone who you don't really know, someone who saved your life and someone you suspect it may be slightly your fault that they are dead.

_**Zero**_

Maybe not even the Doctor would know what to do, Martha thought. Her coffee was now cold but no one came to make her a new cup. No one came at all. They were all grieving in their own way, for a friends, a colleague, an ex lover, a possible lover.

She was grieving too.

She was grieving for being part of that broken circle, she was disconnected. Even Jack, Jack who she'd saved the world with, kind, cold, loving and hating Jack was more connected to these people than to her. Just like the doctor had been more connected to Rose.

It's said that tragedy brings people together. And it was. It was bringing the team more together maybe than they had ever been, even if they didn't know it. But it was also tearing her further apart from them. She couldn't share in their grief. She didn't deserve to All she could grieve for was a new acquaintance, a possible friend. Not the same as what they were going thought.

It was late now. Jack was meant to take her out for dinner. They still had the reservation. She was hungry. Maybe she should go back to the hotel room, get something to eat? Maybe she should head to the restaurant. Alone. Anyplace but here. Anyplace, even a lonely restaurant. Anywhere but a place she knew she didn't belong.

And with that, Martha gathered her belongings, left Jack a note she knew that he'd never read and slipped out the door and into the oppressive cold winds of the Cardiff Bay. But after coming out the Hub, she'd never felt so free in her life.

Anywhere was better than a place where she was zero.

_**Hope that was ok!**_

_**Love you all**_

_**Jyra**_

_**x**_


	7. Jack II

**Funeral Rites**

_Hey, I'm not too sure on this one, I've found it the hardest to write out of all of them, hence, it's a little shorter than usual, but I'll try to get the word count up for next week! _

_Thanks for all your lovely reviews, they keep me going!_

_This week's instalment if from Jack's point of view, on death and Owen (surprise surprise). I know I probably should of done Ianto, but I'm waiting for a really good episode where I can write a great Jack/Ianto piece from Ianto's point and view, and maybe Jack's if I indulge the fan girl inside me! _

_Happy reading! _

_**I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood etc. If I did, it would probably be the Jack and Ianto show so just as well! **_

_**.X.**_

'I'm still a doctor'

That's what Owen had said to him.

'We owe them, you and me'

He'd said that too and for the first time in his life, Jack had suspected that Owen might have fully realised how it felt to feel responsible. To feel and know you where responsible for those deaths that where Torchwood's fault.

It wasn't the first time Torchwood could be blamed for playing some part, if not the leading role, in the deaths of innocents, even if it had never been intentional. But Owen had never seemed to quite register this before today. Before that had happened. Jack supposed that somewhere in his subconscious, Owen had felt some guilt, but never had there been a full realisation. Never a confession. Never this.

Jack never showed it, but he himself felt the guilt, perhaps the most in the team, perhaps even more than Gwen. Maybe it was because he had an eternity to kill for and yet another eternity to kill himself with the guilt. The guilt that if he let it, would gnaw right through his stomach, threatening to drive him to the brink of insanity.

Needless to say, Jack had become exceedingly good at blocking out the guilt. He had to be. Only sometimes, sometimes when he'd lie awake at night, the nights when he was alone in the quite Hub, with the silence only broken by a dripping coffee machine, a swooping bird, only then would he let his defences down. And the overwhelming sensation that had the power to complete over take his mind and soul, which in a way, was strangely welcome.

But this time it was different. Jack started blankly at the document on the desk in front of him. He'd been staring at the same piece of paper for the last hour but the pen that had now rolled slightly to the left of his right hand had made no effort to move. It was his fault Twelve people had died.

But Jack knew he'd do it all over again. And again. And again.

And maybe that was selfish. Twelve people's lives couldn't be worth bringing back one dead colleague, who despite all of this was still technically dead.

Maybe that made him a bad person. No, bad wasn't the right word. Immoral more like. Amoral maybe. Bur no, amoral would imply there was no guilt attached to the death of the twelve innocent bystanders who never had and never would hear of Torchwood. And although, yes Jack did feel responsible for the death of those twelve in the hospital, he'd have felt even worst if he didn't do everything in his power to bring back Owen.

It was possible, Jack reasoned to himself, it was possible that he'd never have been able to live with himself again.

But was it worth it? Where twelve people's lives worth one broken Owen. Because at the end of the day, that was what he was. Only in some strange way, death had changed Owen for the better. It had made him more human, more feeling, more alive. He had been more alive when looking death square in the face than he'd ever been before, in Jack's eyes.

In death, he was more alive than Jack himself.

Because Owen could look death in the face and still be shit scared. Scared that he could die any minute, sacred that this time he would really be gone. For good.

Maybe that was being alive. Appreciating the small things and knowing every minute could be your last.

Something Jack could never regain.

_**Hope that was ok!**_

_**Love you all**_

_**Jyra**_

_**x**_


	8. Owen II

**Goodnight and Thank You**

_Hey! This one is unsurprisingly from Owen's point of view. Yes, I know I have yet to write a Ianto one and have now done two Jack and Owen ones, but I waiting from the right episode for Ianto!_

_Anyway, this one is so much fluffier than anything else I have written. It's basically a pure Owen/Tosh one! So hope you like it! _

_**I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood etc. If I did, it would probably be the Jack and Ianto show so just as well! **_

_**.X.**_

The light from the alien 'pulse' was still shining bright but all around him was darkness. Yes for the first time in a long time, longer than he could remember and defiantly before Torchwood, Owen couldn't help wondering if the world wouldn't look any brighter if the heavens opened and the stars fell down to earth.

He'd been standing on the roof top for god knows how long. It didn't matter. Time didn't matter. The women, Maggie had left hours ago, perhaps to drink herself to death, perhaps to find another roof, one which wasn't inhabited by dead men with alien equipment. But Owen liked to think she'd gone home, maybe called a friend. He hoped she had realised she wasn't alone. But now he was alone. Only it didn't feel like alone. H felt free, he felt wanted, and he felt needed. It was a long time since he had felt that way before. It was talking to Maggie, Owen concluded. He may have helped her but she'd helped him. More than she'd ever know.

She'd helped him to see what he would never have been able to see himself. She'd helped him to see outside Torchwood and outside aliens and just appreciate human beings for what they are. Humans. Like Tosh. Somewhere, in his subconscious, or maybe it was the Id…Owen knew all she wanted was to be closer to him. Yet, as always, he'd blown up at her and hurt her. Maybe that was what Torchwood did to you. Or maybe it was just him being typical Owen. Unsurprisingly, Owen liked to blame Torchwood.

But now, now he knew. Maggie had helped him. She'd made it clear to him what his own mind didn't wan to comprehend. Maybe it was time to go for it. Time to realise that not everyone was a selfish bugger like him. That there where people who genuinely cared for him, despite the prick he knew he could be. Jack cared, in his own, slightly odd, fatherly way. Gwen…Gwen cared for everyone, even killer aliens. Ianto, well Owen wasn't really sure about Ianto, but he was pretty sure even Ianto wouldn't leave him for dead. But it was Tosh who really cared. Cared enough to want to make herself a part of Owens's life even though he done nothing to deserve it. Quite the opposite really.

But he supposed that was what he loved about her.

Hang on, Owen shook his head. That thought had not just gone through his head. There was no way in hell he loved Tosh. Maybe slightly liked, found attractive yes. But love? No, Owen Harper did not do love. Not anymore. Love was for… well Owen didn't quite know, but he knew it was not in any way, shape or form for him, the self confessed player of Cardiff and surrounding towns.

But the thought still troubled Owen as he looked up at the sky, the stars shining bright. If he hadn't believed it, then why had he thought it? And it wasn't as if the idea hadn't sounded…well…warm to him. It wasn't that much of a bad idea if he forced him mind to dwell on it. In fact, it was rather nice sounding. But no, Owen Harper did not do love. Even if it was with a rather attractive, ok, beautiful smart and intelligent Japanese computer nerd.

But all the same.

As he continued to sit on the roof, Owen wondered what Tosh would have thought if she'd known what was going through his head. Perhaps she'd laugh. Or Owen added to himself, take it as a sign to start planning the wedding already. Now that, he concluded was a scary thought. It was bad enough with Gwen's wedding, but one of his own? One where he would be expected to choose flowers, buy a suit, be nice to people? It was too awful to even think about. So that raised the question, why was he thinking about it? Surly some nasty locked away part of his brain couldn't want to get married? No, that could not, would not be true. Now Owen was scaring himself. There was no way he wanted to get married. Because marriage implied only sleeping with one person for the rest of your life. And love. Yeah the L word. Love love love.

Why the fuck was it plaguing his brains now? He'd gone god knows how may years not believing in love and now it was destined to stalk him.

Which led to the question, why was he still on the rooftop? After all, if love really was going to stalk him, he might as well give it something to stalk. Walking away, Owen already knew where he was going.

Tosh's flat.

_**Hope that was ok!**_

_**Love you all**_

_**Jyra**_

_**x**_


	9. Ianto and Gwen II

**Dolce Amaro**

_Wow, this is my longest one so far! I hope you like it! It is set during and after the dance scene at the end of the episode which I just loved. I guess this is a Gwen/Jack AND a Jack/Ianto one, so I hope everyone finds a bit they like in it!_

_Yes, I have finally written a Ianto one, even if I only gave him half the story! _

_By the way, something you should know, Dolce-Amaro means bitter sweet (I think!). Dolce means sweet and amaro bitter! _

_**I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood etc. If I did, it would probably be the Jack and Ianto show so just as well! **_

_**.X.**_

**Dolce Amaro**

**Gwen**

_**D**__olce_

In the end it had been perfect. It finally had been the day she'd dreamed of. Forgetting everything. Forgetting everything. Forgetting Torchwood.

Except she hadn't and except she wouldn't. Because it was because of Torchwood that everything had been perfect. Well not really Torchwood. Because of Jack. She shouldn't be feeling like this, Gwen knew. But for some reason, she didn't feel guilty or confused. Just happy. And perfect. She felt perfect in Jack's arms. They had stopped talking now, just for a second as they danced. And it oddly perfect. Just like everything in the world that there ever had been had slotted into place. There was nothing to worry about as she looked into jacks' eyes, knowing that all he was seeing right now was her. And that was all she wanted him to see. Forever. His hands sat on her waist, just holding onto her. Keeping her safe. Gazing at him now, she could tell herself that he would always be there for her. Always like her best. He laughed and she knew he felt it too. They where beautiful together. It wasn't the Champaign, it wasn't the decorations or the cake. It was just them, lighting up the room. And for one moment in her life, Gwen knew everything was perfect. Everything was **sweet**.

_**A**__maro_

Gwen was sat in her seat, Rhys next to her, talking about God knows what. She should be listening, really she should and she really did want to. But it was impossible. Impossible because however hard she tried, her eyes where drawn to the spot on the dance floor where Jack and Ianto where dancing. Together. The place she'd been dancing only a few moments ago.

It wasn't that Gwen was angry. How could she be? It wasn't like her and Jack had ever or would have anything. It was her wedding day and Jack…well she got the feeling he wasn't the settling down type of guy. And it wasn't that she didn't love Rhys. She did, with all her heart. And that was truth. But it was just that Jack… Jack had shown her how much more to life there was. Jack had shown her that she could reach for the sky and grab a star in the process. Jack was…She couldn't explain it. Jack defied words.

But now she was on the outside. Watching. And that, Gwen realised was all she would ever do. Because she did love Jack. And maybe the hardest part of that was letting go. Maybe that's what love was. Smiling she turned to Rhys. He was hers. Not Jack. But whatever she told herself, Gwen knew she wouldn't sop loving Jack. Nothing would stop that.

So with bitter regrets she watched them dancing. Watching what she could have had with a **bitter** smile on her face.

**Ianto**

_**A**__maro_

It was hard, watching them. It was hard wondering what they where thinking. What they where talking about. How their hands where touching. But watch he did. He couldn't do anything else.

Ianto was use to watching, he'd been doing it most his life. He wasn't use to being the centre of attention or indeed having much attention thrust on him. He wasn't stupid either. He knew he was the type of person who could be classified by various systems as a 'genius'. He just didn't choose to tell people that. He would rather they underestimated him than overestimate.

So it was strange, even to himself, that he was feeling...what's the word, jealous now. Ianto prided himself on not getting jealous. But then again, Ianto didn't know if he'd ever been in love before.

Was this love? Again, he didn't know. But whatever it was, it was making him want to claw out his heart and tell it to stop feeling this way. Because it was this that was killing him at the moment, watching them.

Before, Ianto had never expected more than was given. But this was different. Jack was different. He wanted Jack, needed him so badly. He was all Ianto had left. And it was a** bitter** though that all that he had left in the world was dancing with someone else.

_**D**__olce_

Ianto could feel Jack's head on his shoulder. He could fee his arms around him and Jack's breathe on his neck. If he was to stick out his tongue, he could almost taste Jack. Because that was all that mattered. That finally he was in Jack's arms, melting into him.

And Jack was holding him. Holding him safe. Safe from everything and everyone else. It was just them two. They where together. Jack was relaxed against him, so unlike he'd been with Gwen. This wasn't a dance of farewell for them; it was a dance of new beginnings. It was a symbol of a passing over. And for once Ianto felt complete. He didn't need to worry about what Jack was feeling or what he was thinking because he just knew.

It was as if time had stopped still and the two of them where tucked up safe within each others arms. Safe in the beauty that it was just the two of them. Together. A partnership.

The song only lasted for a couple more minutes before they broke apart and Jack's eyes met his. And in that moment, Ianto could see everything. It wasn't lust, or friendship or just comradeship. There was something else there, something Ianto though he might have seen before, out of the corner of his eye. But there was one thing he did know. For that one moment in his life, Ianto knew everything was going to be perfect. Everything would be **sweet**.

_**Hope that was ok!**_

_**Love you all**_

_**Jyra**_

_**x**_


	10. Jack III

Second life

**Second life**

_Hey!_

_This one doesn't really have a pairing! I wasn't really sure what to do, but I quite fancies delving into some of Jack's past a little so here it is! This is a Jack one and is inspired by all the lives Jack has lead over the years. Really just Jack reflecting on his life. Oh and quite a lot of the Doctor in this one but it isn't Jack/Doctor …Maybe I should write a Jack/Doctor chapter, hmm? _

_**I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood etc. If I did, it would probably be the Jack and Ianto show so just as well! **_

_**.X.**_

**Second life**

When Jack said he'd been part of a travelling show, he hadn't been joking. It was a long time ago now, Jack didn't care to remember quite how long ago but it was after his first Doctor and before the new Doctor. That was how Jack separated many of his life events now, time didn't really work for him, having been and seen more than anyone should have and defiantly not following the a linear line.

But the circus performers, now Jack remembered then quite clearly. It must have been shortly after he joined Torchwood, though shortly for Jack could have meant anything between 1 and 50 years. He'd been sent undercover; trying to track down a show which Torchwood suspected of having an alien performer. Or, as Jack had realised later when he tracked down the creature, an alien prisoners. The poor thing had been chained up, worse kept than many of the animals, and forced to perform for the baying crowd each night. What had started off as a reconnaissance mission had shortly turned into a full scale rescue that ended up going horribly wrong and had ended with the alien's death. Jack still shuddered at the bloody memories even now…

But the memories with the circus performers. Now they had been good memories. If there was one thing Jack liked, it was a crowd who would watch him. And it had been easy to pick up the pretty girls and cute guys on the road as well, though, Jack though to himself, he'd never had any trouble in that category before or after. But there was something about the travelling show that reminded Jack of the Doctor. Or was it the wars he'd been in? Or maybe the time agency, when he was still their hero and they hadn't stolen his memories? Or maybe it was all of those things, the sense of comradeship, the idea that they where part of something special and that they where all in this together. The war time ethos of laying down your lives for your brothers and sisters. 

Jack had been in many wars, approximately 24 on last count. He'd died in 5 of them and lived through the other 19. As Jack delved deeper into his memories, he reached for the coffee that was on the table next to him. It was quite in the Hub. Everyone was gone now and Jack could happily spend the night reliving his greatest triumphs. In some ways he wished he had his old lives back, he wasn't fussy about which one. Travelling as a time agent had been amusing, although being a 'free lancer' had defiantly had its perks too. The Doctor and Rose…well tonight was not the night for that train of though. Jack still believed one day he would travel again with the Doctor. But not now. Now he had another life to lead. But Jack knew the Doctor would come back for him. He'd have too. After all, they where both going to be around for what may as well be ever. And, Jack had found, when your life source is unlimited, the universe suddenly seems a much smaller place. 

But for now, Jack decide, he was content. He was content to remain in the same place with the same people because for once in his life, he was beating the Doctor at something. He truly was saving the world, the world which would birth him nearly 30,000 years in the future. He wasn't just saving the world and running off again, he was saving the world and giving back what he could to the people affected. And he had his team, a group of people who loved him and who he loved, in his own special way. 

And Jack was happy.

After the Doctor had abandoned him, Jack didn't think he'd ever be that happy again. But he was. And it didn't matter that he had turned the Doctor's offer down, because, Jack though, as second lives go, his was pretty good. 

_**Hope that was ok!**_

_**Love you all**_

_**Jyra**_

_**x**_


	11. Ianto II

Three's a crowd

**Three's a crowd?**

_Hey, this one is a little earlier than usually because I didn't realise this episode of torchwood had been shown! So sorry if it is later/earlier than expected, because I got a little confused as I was watching the BB3 schedule!_

_This was surprisingly easy to write which considering I was effectively writing what could be a threesome was slightly odd. Now although I am a fan of Jack/Ianto, I have grown to really love Gwen this season and I could just see a Jack/Ianto/Gwen relationship developing. So of course when jack offered for her to join in with his and Ianto's 'activities', I just had to use that part for this episodes chapter! Hope Jack/Ianto AND Jack/Gwen fans will both enjoy this one!_

_By the way, it's from Ianto's point of view, I felt owed him his own chapter!_

_**I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood etc. If I did, it would probably be the Jack and Ianto show so just as well! **_

_**.X.**_

**Three's a crowd?**

Ianto wasn't sure why he had helped Gwen. It wasn't often that he went behind Jack's back, especially as Jack had trusted him with the information about the missing people. Information Ianto knew Jack hadn't told the rest of the team. So why, Ianto posed the question to himself, had he risked Jack's trust in him to help Gwen find a boy that Jack obviously didn't want her to find?

The angel on his right shoulder told him it was because he believed that she had a right to know, a right to worry about the civilian population of Cardiff, something even Ianto though Jack could think a little more of sometimes.

But the devil on his left shoulder told him it was because he was proving to her that he knew something she didn't. That Jack trusted him more than her.

In reality, Ianto didn't think it was either of those reasons. Both where simple enough, but since when was Torchwood ever simple, especially when it came to in-team relationships?

Ianto guessed it might have been because in some ways he and Gwen where exceedingly similar. He could relate to her, connect with her and although no one might see it, Ianto wasn't dissimilar to Gwen in personality either. It was odd, how sometimes he felt closer to Gwen than he did to Jack.

It reminded Ianto of a play he'd once seen. Only Gwen had married Rhys, not Jack and as afar as Ianto knew, he hadn't killed himself through drink and drugs yet. No, that would be a way too ordinary death for Torchwood, although sometimes Ianto suspected Owen's death might have ended up been alcohol related, if he hadn't got himself shot first.

Today, when Gwen had…waked in on them, Ianto hadn't been sure what to think. Ok, s the first though had been embarrassment, being caught shagging the boss wasn't exactly an ideal situation, even though everyone had known anyway. But what Jack had said…

That was simple enough really. But what confused Ianto is her didn't know if he'd of minded all that much really if Gwen had taken Jack up on the offer. Ianto supposed that he should have felt jealous, side lined maybe even hatred towards Gwen, but in reality, all he really felt was pity. Because she loved Jack and in some way Jack loved her. Maybe not in the same way that he loved Ianto, but it was there alright.

And if that was the case, Ianto supposed in some ways, the similarities between himself and Gwen, didn't make the situation that could have arisen today unappealing to himself either.

And it wasn't just about sex, although he'd be lying to himself if he didn't admit that Gwen was a very attractive girl. No, him, Jack and Gwen, they had something, something that linked them together, something that a marriage or a more open and exclusive relationship between Jack and himself could not break.

It was interesting, Ianto pondered, how now Gwen was off-limits, she was so much more attractive. And it wasn't only him, sometimes he caught that look in Jack and Owen's eyes and maybe even Toshiko's, if she wasn't so obsessed over Owen these days.

Ianto rolled over in the smallish bed, just as Jack mumbled something incomprehensible in his sleep, wrapping his arms round Ianto's waist and pulling Ianto closer to him. Smiling, something he did rarely and generally when no one was a round to see, Ianto turned to face Jack, being careful not to wake the other man. He pushed a little bit of hair out of Jack's eyes, before raising his head to check the time on the bed side clock. There was still a while left until the others arrived for work. And as Ianto curled up in Jack's arms, everything felt perfect.

Right now he was content to have Jack all to himself, but Ianto mused, sometime in the future…after all, who ever said three's a crowd obviously never visited Torchwood!

_**Hope that was ok!**_

_**Love you all**_

_**Jyra**_

_**x**_


	12. Tosh II

Fitting Together

**World of the living **

_This one was really hard to write and I think it's probably my worst one so far. I'm not selling this very well am I? Oh well._

_It's from Tosh's point of view and unlike all the others I have written, it takes place in the past. It is basically what happens to Tosh when she has been detained between her meeting Jack and gaining her freedom. _

_**I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood etc. If I did, it would probably be the Jack and Ianto show so just as well! **_

_**.X.**_

_**World of the living**_

It was three days after her meeting with the mysterious non existent American and Toshiko was still stuck in the same cell she had been in since she first arrived at the…well prison would be an exaggeration. He'd promised to get her out of her and in return she would work for him, but there had still been no sign of him. Tosh supposed that it took time to secure a release of a woman who was official classed as 'a threat to the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth', but it could hurt him to try and hurry up. She was practically dying of starvation, the food her being less than edible, and the indignantly of her hygienic situation.

If only she had a diary…or something. Anything to do was better than sitting her, bored out of her mind, slowly going insane whilst waiting for her promised freedom from a man she didn't even know. Retreating into her mind, Tosh mentally sat herself down to write her experiences over the last few days. Her mental diary might not be as reliable as a real thing, but it helped her to reflect on what had been the worst few weeks of her life so far.

Dear diary, she thought,

Still no sigh of the American visitor. Still no sigh of freedom and still no sign of my mother. The accommodation has not improved and I am not being well fed. Wish I wasn't here.

All my hopes are pinned on one person who told me my mother was all right. Is that silly? I don't really known what this job he is going to offer me will involve, who he is and to be honest, I'm not even quite sure why I am here. I mean, sure I know I did steal secret documents, but does that really warrant a gulag style detention?

I suppose it must, or I wouldn't be here. The American said I was being made an example of. Which, if I'm honest with myself (and I probably should be seeing as this is my own head and I don't think UNIT or the MoD have quite developed telepathic abilities yet) sort of hurts. I've been arrested and imprisoned by means that defy human rights, not to mention the EU, Government and UN, by the people I have been working under for the last five years. And all because I just wanted to save my mother.

I don't know any more, it's just that…'

Tosh was quickly yanked out of her private sanctuary with in her mind by the heavy metal door being forced open. Expecting it to be her daily scraps (she couldn't bring herself to call them meals), she slumped back against the wall she had been leaning against. Only the usual tray didn't appear. Instead, the door was fully pulled open and an armed guard stood at the entrance. The guard, clad in what looked like army uniform, motioned for Tosh to follow her out of the cell, before leading Tosh down dozen after dozen of white washed corridors. Like all of the guards Tosh had encountered so far, this one didn't speak or attempt to make eye contact with her and neither did Tosh. She had realised they would never answer you after a week or so of yelling, screaming and crying.

The guard tuned left, her ponytail swinging and Tosh struggled to keep up, her legs weakened from her diet and lack of exercise. Finally, the guard stopped at a door. Removing a card from he belt, the guard opened the door before leading Tosh into an open space that Tosh recognised as the place she had met the American.

Looking around, Tosh realised the guard had left, locking the door and she was alone in the dull, airy room. Or at least she though she was.

'Come on, I think it's time we got you a decent meal and a shower…'

He continued to talk, but Tosh didn't hear. All she knew was that he, the American was back, and this time he was taking her with him, away from this hell hole. Without so much as a backwards glance at her prison and personal nightmare, Tosh took the hand of her saviour as he led her out side, back towards the sunshine and the world of the living.

_**Hope that was ok!**_

_**Love you all**_

_**Jyra**_

_**x**_


	13. Tosh III

Heaven

**Heaven**

_The last one!_

_Cried so much at the last episode, so I had to make this a good one to end on. And I must say, I'm proud of this one. I know it might not be up everyone's street, but I like it._

_Unfortunately, it is another Tosh one, which seems a little out of balance, but I couldn't help it. It's set after the episode in…ell, I don't really know where it is set. I don't think anyone really does. But I hope you like it!_

_UI must say thank you for very single person who has read/reviewed/enjoyed this series. I've loved writing them and feel it has really helped my writing skills. It's my first fic to get over 50 reviews! _

_So adios, till next series and my new collection! _

_**I do not own Doctor Who, Torchwood etc. If I did, it would probably be the Jack and Ianto show so just as well! **_

_**.X.**_

_**Heaven**_

My name was Toshiko Sato. Now I'm…well, I'm nothing apart from a ghost of the past which will hopefully haut the memories of the living, at least for a while.

I'm not sure how long it has been. It changes every so often. Sometimes the darkness fades away and I can almost taste, smell, feel what it was like to be alive again. And then sometimes I can't.

I'm not really an I anymore. I'm sort of…disembodies. I'm a thought, a memory, trapped here. I spend most of my time floating around, not knowing, not feeling. I suppose that is something I should be grateful for, the not feeling part. Only, it isn't really not feeling. It's not being alive, but as I said, I'm a memory or though, which means everything I felt when I was alive, I can feel now. Only I'm not feeling them because I am alive, I'm only trying to grasp at the edges of what I might have called a dream once, when I was alive

This place is barren, I don't ever meet anyone. At first I though I might see Jack, maybe when he'd died again and just before he went back to the world of the living, but he hasn't appeared yet and I don't really think he will. Though saying that, I don't know how long I've been here, maybe it's only been a couple of seconds, but somehow it feels longer.

Sometimes I stumbled across memories I'd long since forgotten. And then I can sit and watch for a while. Once I tried to reach out and fall into the memory, to try and remember what it was really like to live, not just to watch your own personal home video collection but it didn't work. The memory just faded away. A shooting star.

Some days (only there aren't really days here), I feel myself fading away and I can't remember who I was anymore. I forget and I can't make connections. Sometimes when that happens, I panic and quickly grab onto the parts of my former life I can still remember. I don't want to lose my memories forever, even it that is all I'll be living with for the rest of my life or wherever I am. Other times, I feel at peace and let the feeling of sleep and not knowing wash gently over me, taking me to somewhere better. Only I never quite get there before I am dragged back by some little catch phrase or symbol and I'm still in the land of darkness, still haunted by my own memories.

But by far the best days are the ones where the shapeless clouds open and I can peer down into what I believe to be planet earth. I can see the world moving on and my conscious always zooms in on Torchwood Cardiff, my home. I'm not sure if what I'm watching are my memories take on what I'd of liked to have happened after my death or if it is the real world. I'd like to believe it is the real world and that I am not just stuck forever in a part of my mind. I'd like to believe that I do still have a connection to the outside world, be it on earth or in here.

Every once in a while, I feel like something is trying to get through. Sometimes I think, maybe I'm not dead, maybe this is just a coma, my conscious playing trick on me. Maybe Jack is stood over me, trying to wake me up. But mostly I believe that maybe its Owen or what use to be Owen's memory. But however hard I try, he can't break through into my personal heaven and I into his.

I'd like to say I have some deep meaningful statement on my life to make now. That I have reflected and come up with the answer to why I was on earth. But I can't. I didn't have the answer when I was alive and I can't make one up now. I am a memory, a scrap of what is left of a human live. I can only live in the memories now.

But if there was one thing I learnt on earth, if there was one thing Torchwood taught me, it was to grab what I can with both hands because I won't be here forever. No one ever will. Not even Jack.

And that is what I pass on. I pass on my missed opportunities because I was too scared to take them. I pass on days wasted and days not. I pass on, not the gift of life but the more precious gift of seizing life.

So that is what I leave you with. My life summed up in two words.

Carpe Diem, Seize the day.

_**Thank you all so much**_

_**Jyra**_

_**x**_


End file.
